A day trying to think of Nothing !

Today, I left the big city (Lyon) back to the small city (Macon), for several reasons...Lyon, maybe seemed to be too crowded the last two weeks, in many senses... people needed space...and suddnly the big city became so little, I became so little, everything was so little...

11:00 am ..I thought I will take my time to grab a cup of coffee with a cigarette,take the often lately dis functioning transport to the other end of the city to take my train...

yes I was late again, but not only me, also the trams, the metros and trains...

what I love about transport, is that it offers the opportunity to observe people...those who are sad, those who are happy... little babies sleeping in piece in the middle of the crowd, people who are trying to get a free ride taking the tram or running behind those who validate their metro tickets to be able to slip in ... those who ask for cigarettes, those who observe me while I am observing them... all this makes huge sense... and I see life moving... turning ... I see the big city which became small again in a little wagon ...

anyway somehow I succeeded to arrive on time in the train station, climbing up the stairs with my uncountable bags... again another French phenomena ...young people rolling a joint in the begging of the day .. which I personally find a little bit disturbing but which also happened to help 20 minutes later

arriving at the dock my head was totally empty... I decided to stop thinking of a contract I did not get... of surviving with a law income like last year... of the man I love.. of some conflicts that occurred lately in my life... of questions... of things bothering me...I just wanted to smoke a cigarette until my late trains arrives...i was definitely interrupted by a couple of people coming to ask for cigarettes " which is a strategy I am starting to think of considering..since they increased prices on cigarettes in France " finally the train that was announced to be 15 minutes late arrived 15 minutes later ...I jump in.. choose a strategic place... install myself comfortably... and suddenly they announce the destination of the train which was obviously not Macon...
the train starts to move I jumped with my bags hanging in every way ... start knocking on the door since I could not open it " too late" ... and HERE comes the joint... one of the young ladies who was smoking a joint 20 minutes earlier... did not really bother to shout to the driver "EHHHH ...EEEEEEHH... " and shouldn't she be high.. I think she would consider twice using this method to stop a train in France... but it helped... I succeeded to jump out of that train.

Once I tried to close my eyes in the train in attempt to do what I decided to do earlier.. "think of nothing" .. .a drunk woman jumps out to fight the controller..

the argument was the following:
-Bonjour Madame, your ticket s'il vous plait?
-I don't have a ticket...
- I am afraid we have a problem Madame
-what the hell are you trying to tell me ? the toilet in your train has been blocked during one hour now... what kind of service is this.. .and you still want me to pay a ticekt?
-madame...
-I am a smart woman and you are trying to fool me .. i speak English French German and Spanish what do you want from me ?
_madame..

and the conversation went in the same stream until the next station, where the only thing the controller could do was to kick this Madame out in the very correct French way..

my attempt to think nothing failed... I started to think of work.. flat... bills and all the tralala that comes with it ... and ended up not as happy as I started the day.

what made my day worst later .. which is always the case when i arrive in the train station of Macon... the stairs i have to go up and down with the bags... and the way I have to make with those bags back home...

but home is home ... a place where a person have nothing to worry about.


Finally I arrived... i picked up my credit card that I have been waiting for since 5 weeks ... activated it...went shopping for food climbed up the stairs of my building and arrived to my little nest...

I should admit that I did not succeed to think of nothing today inspite of the things that happened...and I wrote this post because before I went to sleep I was wondering if I could free my mind at this time of the year of many things that I am afraid to face...would I make it ? would I be able to handle what is meant to be handled?

on verras...