Cultural Shock

Cultures… I can’t stop thinking of cultures for the past couple of months. I can’ stop thinking of cultures because I was looking for an explanation to certain excessively shocking reactions that I had – myself- towards “European mentality”. I couldn’t help but compare two different worlds, that are not very comparable but yet, the main common factor between them both is the human being…

 Jordan, Arab country, in the Middle East, classified as third world country… and France, European country, developed, founder of human rights, and one of the best social security systems existing.

 I am married to a French man and have been living in France for the past four years, but for a while now I am taking a huge pleasure in reminding myself constantly that I am Jordanian: a whole package that carries a bunch of rigid attitudes that one could easily criticize but also Jordanian qualities that I won’t be defining now since I won’t at all be objective.

 As a result of this situation, I realized one thing…until we live another experience that we could compare our lives to; we tend to think that “the grass is always greener on the other side”. It is hard to write down my thoughts without offending anyone, but I would like to emphasize that those are reflections and not judgments.

 Residing in France at the time being, I am being confronted to a daily paradox: In France if you ever ask a question without asking the person if he minds being asked that question and adding “please” in the beginning and the ending of your sentence, you are considered “impolite”. In France you can also find yourself humiliated by a shopkeeper if you dare to leave the shop without saying “goodbye” and/or have a nice day”, even if there are 15 other people in the shop, and you decided to intentionally not disturb the shop keeper with your goodbye because he has another 15 people to take care of. 

In France, the above mentioned rules also apply to your family and close friends; it is not because you are my brother or sister or mother or father or whoever, that I do not say “please” when I want you to pass me the salt during lunch.

 During my first year in France, I once entered a tobacco shop with my friend to buy a pack of cigarettes… “Good morning” I said, “I would like a pack of Benson Gold” I continued with smile… My friend who was next to me added “Please…you would like a pack of Benson Gold Please”… And here it was my first experience of French shame. Not only did I feel like a three year old that was buying cigarette, but also I realized how bad mannered am I and how uncomfortable did my friend feel because of me “her impolite friend who doesn’t say please”. 

See… In Jordan we are not polite at all. We do not always say good morning when we enter a shop, and we do not say please when we ask our friend for a glass of water. What is even worst, we have a tendency to talk very loud and sometimes even shout….

it's even more scandalous,... in Jordan, you could call your brother at 3:00 am if you are stuck in the airport and have no one to pick you up, with no consideration to the fact that he might be sleeping, in some cases you do not even apologize for waking him up… well this is a thing about Jordanians, Family knows no limits and doesn’t give shit about your personal life (this is how French would see it if you do the same in France)..

 To clarify things, In Jordan, in some families it is even considered A SHAME if a family member asks you for a service and you refuse it! And we say “this is what family is for”! In Jordan, if you are a foreigner and you need help, a complete stranger could accompany you and help you if you ask him to… on the other hand “attention!! He might not say please every time he asks you a question”.

 Since my last visit to Jordan, I was intending to write this post: we Jordanians might be simple minded people… we might also be narrow minded… we might be primitive and whatever people say about us… but I know one thing: A Jordanian would never invite you and then tell you how much did it cost him, a Jordanian would never propose to help you and tell you at the same time the amount of trouble it caused him to help you. 

Anyhow… it is part of my work to inform young people about possible cultural shocks they might encounter when they leave on voluntary mission abroad. And yet this notion isn’t as simple as it might sound. I have lived my cultural shock in denial for the past four years, and when we analyzed certain strong reactions that I had to certain situations, my husband brought the truth right in front of me: we argue about me being shocked because someone did not propose to drop me home from the train station that is 10 minutes away from my house because our perception of certain situations are different. And in our cultures we treat those situations differently. 

In France it might be impolite to ask a person to do that for you ... while in Jordan it is a shame to leave someone standing in the rain waiting for a bus when you can perfectly drop him home on your way back. This is what it’s all about – politeness and shame. Two concepts which are excessively and differently important in two different cultures. Politeness: often absent in Jordan and extremely important in France, Shame: often absent in France and extremely important in Jordan….

 But those are only details… and that is only my opinion!