Cultural Shock

Cultures… I can’t stop thinking of cultures for the past couple of months. I can’ stop thinking of cultures because I was looking for an explanation to certain excessively shocking reactions that I had – myself- towards “European mentality”. I couldn’t help but compare two different worlds, that are not very comparable but yet, the main common factor between them both is the human being…

 Jordan, Arab country, in the Middle East, classified as third world country… and France, European country, developed, founder of human rights, and one of the best social security systems existing.

 I am married to a French man and have been living in France for the past four years, but for a while now I am taking a huge pleasure in reminding myself constantly that I am Jordanian: a whole package that carries a bunch of rigid attitudes that one could easily criticize but also Jordanian qualities that I won’t be defining now since I won’t at all be objective.

 As a result of this situation, I realized one thing…until we live another experience that we could compare our lives to; we tend to think that “the grass is always greener on the other side”. It is hard to write down my thoughts without offending anyone, but I would like to emphasize that those are reflections and not judgments.

 Residing in France at the time being, I am being confronted to a daily paradox: In France if you ever ask a question without asking the person if he minds being asked that question and adding “please” in the beginning and the ending of your sentence, you are considered “impolite”. In France you can also find yourself humiliated by a shopkeeper if you dare to leave the shop without saying “goodbye” and/or have a nice day”, even if there are 15 other people in the shop, and you decided to intentionally not disturb the shop keeper with your goodbye because he has another 15 people to take care of. 

In France, the above mentioned rules also apply to your family and close friends; it is not because you are my brother or sister or mother or father or whoever, that I do not say “please” when I want you to pass me the salt during lunch.

 During my first year in France, I once entered a tobacco shop with my friend to buy a pack of cigarettes… “Good morning” I said, “I would like a pack of Benson Gold” I continued with smile… My friend who was next to me added “Please…you would like a pack of Benson Gold Please”… And here it was my first experience of French shame. Not only did I feel like a three year old that was buying cigarette, but also I realized how bad mannered am I and how uncomfortable did my friend feel because of me “her impolite friend who doesn’t say please”. 

See… In Jordan we are not polite at all. We do not always say good morning when we enter a shop, and we do not say please when we ask our friend for a glass of water. What is even worst, we have a tendency to talk very loud and sometimes even shout….

it's even more scandalous,... in Jordan, you could call your brother at 3:00 am if you are stuck in the airport and have no one to pick you up, with no consideration to the fact that he might be sleeping, in some cases you do not even apologize for waking him up… well this is a thing about Jordanians, Family knows no limits and doesn’t give shit about your personal life (this is how French would see it if you do the same in France)..

 To clarify things, In Jordan, in some families it is even considered A SHAME if a family member asks you for a service and you refuse it! And we say “this is what family is for”! In Jordan, if you are a foreigner and you need help, a complete stranger could accompany you and help you if you ask him to… on the other hand “attention!! He might not say please every time he asks you a question”.

 Since my last visit to Jordan, I was intending to write this post: we Jordanians might be simple minded people… we might also be narrow minded… we might be primitive and whatever people say about us… but I know one thing: A Jordanian would never invite you and then tell you how much did it cost him, a Jordanian would never propose to help you and tell you at the same time the amount of trouble it caused him to help you. 

Anyhow… it is part of my work to inform young people about possible cultural shocks they might encounter when they leave on voluntary mission abroad. And yet this notion isn’t as simple as it might sound. I have lived my cultural shock in denial for the past four years, and when we analyzed certain strong reactions that I had to certain situations, my husband brought the truth right in front of me: we argue about me being shocked because someone did not propose to drop me home from the train station that is 10 minutes away from my house because our perception of certain situations are different. And in our cultures we treat those situations differently. 

In France it might be impolite to ask a person to do that for you ... while in Jordan it is a shame to leave someone standing in the rain waiting for a bus when you can perfectly drop him home on your way back. This is what it’s all about – politeness and shame. Two concepts which are excessively and differently important in two different cultures. Politeness: often absent in Jordan and extremely important in France, Shame: often absent in France and extremely important in Jordan….

 But those are only details… and that is only my opinion!

Back...

accidently brought to read my old blog that I totally forgot about, thought of starting writing again ... new vision, person that grew to become someone different,to grow even more with time, eager to share a life, good moments and different new way of living ... I am back ...

Lights Fairy Tails month

A Saturday morning is usually a huge challenge for me ... because it comes after a Friday night and because its the morning of the market in Macon.

after yesterday's couple of vodka shots with my dear friend and his friends, I challenged myself to wake up before 11:00 am so that I could manage to go to the market... it was hard, and to be honest until 12:00 am I was walking around unhappy to have this obligating desire to join people in the streets in the end of the week.

then I thought " oh come on you lazy cow...move your ass and go have some fresh air..."
so I left my morning coffee on the table, changed my PJ, grabbed my bag and ran out towards the Saturday market place near the river hoping that it wont be too late... and I did not regret it.

I missed the simplicity of this city, and it was good to join the market, where the baker have baked fresh bread in the morning, and the honey seller offer you a piece of honey cake...

adding to that the charming Christmas atmosphere made my heart jump, I felt like a kid again...
I just love those sellers that wish you a "wonderful" day with a huge smile, and the old couple selling their cheese proposing you to taste a piece of each kind...

I filled my bag with a lot of vegetables and fresh fruits and headed towards my flat... and on the way back, near the town hall they prepared this little corner with Christmas booths with Santas and his little dwarfs inside and some people selling Christmas cookies... I just stood with my eyes filled with those lights and music and the positive noise of the crowd... It felt good!

the city have started the "light festival" preparations, they started the lights in the streets yesterday night and the view from my window is just magnificent. a huge tree with drops of light and a little Santa clause house that was set in front of my building ... God isn't that amazing!

I arrived back home energized, filled with the warmth of this whole Christmas holiday preparations... rewarmed my morning coffee, set myself comfortable in front off my little Christmas tree with a little movie and a cookie that i grabbed on the way back.

The "light fairy tails" month is officially to be announced tonight in Macon, fire works are promised and a program of the whole month in the streets of Macon is spread out on flyers

I am glad this month is here, I am glad I have great people around me to share it and spend it with ... I am glad I am in love ...and I am glad because I feel more positive things are to come soon...

A day trying to think of Nothing !

Today, I left the big city (Lyon) back to the small city (Macon), for several reasons...Lyon, maybe seemed to be too crowded the last two weeks, in many senses... people needed space...and suddnly the big city became so little, I became so little, everything was so little...

11:00 am ..I thought I will take my time to grab a cup of coffee with a cigarette,take the often lately dis functioning transport to the other end of the city to take my train...

yes I was late again, but not only me, also the trams, the metros and trains...

what I love about transport, is that it offers the opportunity to observe people...those who are sad, those who are happy... little babies sleeping in piece in the middle of the crowd, people who are trying to get a free ride taking the tram or running behind those who validate their metro tickets to be able to slip in ... those who ask for cigarettes, those who observe me while I am observing them... all this makes huge sense... and I see life moving... turning ... I see the big city which became small again in a little wagon ...

anyway somehow I succeeded to arrive on time in the train station, climbing up the stairs with my uncountable bags... again another French phenomena ...young people rolling a joint in the begging of the day .. which I personally find a little bit disturbing but which also happened to help 20 minutes later

arriving at the dock my head was totally empty... I decided to stop thinking of a contract I did not get... of surviving with a law income like last year... of the man I love.. of some conflicts that occurred lately in my life... of questions... of things bothering me...I just wanted to smoke a cigarette until my late trains arrives...i was definitely interrupted by a couple of people coming to ask for cigarettes " which is a strategy I am starting to think of considering..since they increased prices on cigarettes in France " finally the train that was announced to be 15 minutes late arrived 15 minutes later ...I jump in.. choose a strategic place... install myself comfortably... and suddenly they announce the destination of the train which was obviously not Macon...
the train starts to move I jumped with my bags hanging in every way ... start knocking on the door since I could not open it " too late" ... and HERE comes the joint... one of the young ladies who was smoking a joint 20 minutes earlier... did not really bother to shout to the driver "EHHHH ...EEEEEEHH... " and shouldn't she be high.. I think she would consider twice using this method to stop a train in France... but it helped... I succeeded to jump out of that train.

Once I tried to close my eyes in the train in attempt to do what I decided to do earlier.. "think of nothing" .. .a drunk woman jumps out to fight the controller..

the argument was the following:
-Bonjour Madame, your ticket s'il vous plait?
-I don't have a ticket...
- I am afraid we have a problem Madame
-what the hell are you trying to tell me ? the toilet in your train has been blocked during one hour now... what kind of service is this.. .and you still want me to pay a ticekt?
-madame...
-I am a smart woman and you are trying to fool me .. i speak English French German and Spanish what do you want from me ?
_madame..

and the conversation went in the same stream until the next station, where the only thing the controller could do was to kick this Madame out in the very correct French way..

my attempt to think nothing failed... I started to think of work.. flat... bills and all the tralala that comes with it ... and ended up not as happy as I started the day.

what made my day worst later .. which is always the case when i arrive in the train station of Macon... the stairs i have to go up and down with the bags... and the way I have to make with those bags back home...

but home is home ... a place where a person have nothing to worry about.


Finally I arrived... i picked up my credit card that I have been waiting for since 5 weeks ... activated it...went shopping for food climbed up the stairs of my building and arrived to my little nest...

I should admit that I did not succeed to think of nothing today inspite of the things that happened...and I wrote this post because before I went to sleep I was wondering if I could free my mind at this time of the year of many things that I am afraid to face...would I make it ? would I be able to handle what is meant to be handled?

on verras...